Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
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