We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
worst night to have a conscience
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
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