sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
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