my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
Randomize
