dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
