my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
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