Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Randomize
