do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
a search helicopter?!
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
