I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Randomize
