someone owes me an orgasm
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Randomize
