The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Randomize
