the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
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