brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
Randomize
