Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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