I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
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