Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Randomize
