I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Ladies don't puke and tell
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
The ass gains better be worth it
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