420 ftw
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
