My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO