Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
These 19 Teachers Had Very Inappropriate Interactions With Students
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Women Confess 25 Instant Deal-Breakers On A Man’s Dating Profile
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.