chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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