I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
