First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Randomize
