i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
