I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Randomize
