When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
