Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
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