I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
