He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
The adults are the big ones right?
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Randomize
