New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
Randomize
