is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
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