She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
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