is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
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