don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Randomize
