Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Randomize