i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
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