I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
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