Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Randomize
