I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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