Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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