When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Randomize
