hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
