I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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