i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
