Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
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College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
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