Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
