I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
