Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
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