Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
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