This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
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