wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
