YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
