Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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