One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Congratulations! We have a period
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