Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
