what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
