As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Randomize
