I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
