That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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