its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Someone stole a lamp last night.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Randomize
