I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
