Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
Randomize
