I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
Randomize
