I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
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