We won't sleep together?
He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
