I would go down on you faster than GM stock
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Randomize
